It is...

When I started this blog, as I was overwhelmed with all of the details and settings... it asked me for a title and description. I probably sat staring at my computer screen for a good 5-10 minutes trying to find something that is a good representation of me, and who I am. As I fumbled through ideas I finally stumbled upon the phrase "it is what it is." It was perfect because not only does it display my mindset, it is something my Dad and I said to each other on almost a daily basis.

I remember the first time I ever said it to him, we were in an argument over something that at the time probably seemed like the biggest issue in the world... but now seems like time with my Dad put to waste. We were sitting on the couches in my parents house when we came to a disagreement. This happened all too often because of the stubbornness we both have naturally. I finally looked at him and said... "you know what, nothing is going to get resolved here, it is what it is." He kind of looked at me for a minute, and then started to cry. The look on his face was like I just hit a home run in a t-ball game, or I won the science fair. He was so proud of me and I couldn't really understand why. I ultimately stormed off leaving him there, like the selfish kid I was. After this he would say it to me all the time, and I think kind of because it went along with the Serenity Prayer that he recited pretty frequently.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. "

I never thought that within a few months, or years, my Dad would be gone.

There's no real way to prepare yourself or be ready for the news that someone you love is never coming back. Because I had been through it once before when my brother passed away, I kind of knew what was to come, and braced myself. I have a strong respect, love and understanding for anyone who has gone through any type of trauma in their life whether it be a death in the family, or something else. The hardest part for me is watching everyone else move on. You know, when Andy died it was such a huge devastation, and so many people were confused, angry, lost. But as time goes on, people move on. And here you are left with this hole in your life. Losing someone is hard, no matter what. It's one of the worst things a person can experience in their entire life. And watching other people move on around you is to me, equally as hard. Trying to keep up with every day life, trying to just keep a smile on while you go to the grocery store. This is what I was talking about in my first post, how the world is moving so fast around you and there's no time to stop and feel anything. You watch the life of a person who was once a piece to your puzzle, slowly turn into this "thing" that people talk about. When it's a distant friend of a friend, you feel sad, you might even shed some tears, but you aren't truly affected by it all. When it's a person in your inner circle, who you talk to every day, who makes up the person you are......... what next? It's like your left with this situation you have no idea what to do in. And it never really goes away. And no one really knows what to say, what can you? When others are dealing with the same thing, I try to reach out to them...but it's hard you know, especially when you know exactly the knot they have in their stomach, and whatever you say isn't making it go away. All you can do is take it one day at a time, and deal with what you're given.

Life throws us some messed up things sometimes. We all deal with things every single day. Learning to take what you're presented with and make the most of it is the only way to survive. But I truly beleive in making the most of today, and telling people how you feel. I wish all the time I could go back... all the time. I am so envious of people who have their whole family to grow up with, so envious of people who will be able to have a big Christmas when they're older. And I wish I could talk some sense into those who are taking their lives for granted every day by wasting time arguing about the small things, because some don't even have that person to argue with.
This wasn't meant to turn into a sob story but I guess it kind of did. The whole point was to simply bring out the meaning of the blog title. Which is that you are dealt a life in which you have to live, you only get one, and really...... it is what it is. So make the best of it.




Xo